To all the ladies in the place with style and grace,

It's come to my attention more and more each day, that we don't love each other the way that we want men to. We preach feminism and call each other "queens" on social media, only to not treat each other as such in reality. Why is that? I, myself have been guilty of it and for what? Is it that tearing the next one down somehow makes us feel better about our own flaws? Ask yourself how many times have you seen a really pretty girl and because of her looks, you already assume that you know the kind of person that she is; therefore already telling yourself based off of assumptions that the two of you wouldn’t get along. Or how about this? Why, for the love of God, is it that we only acknowledge and genuinely praise each other when we’re drunk in the bathroom of a function? You know what I’m talking about, we all do it. Go into the bathroom on a mission to do one thing and come out with a whole gang of best friends.

I was inspired to write this because I was talking to someone and they showed me a text where one friend was bashing the other because of her sexual history and it truly bothered me. I couldn’t figure out why the person cared so much. I’m guilty of slut-shaming girls in the past but the older I get, the more I find myself not caring about what you choose to do with your body or how you choose to live your life. Because news flash: it’s YOURS. We’ve got to stop preaching the idea that we’re all for sisterhood and living our best lives and the minute someone does something that we personally wouldn’t do or don’t agree with, we’re ready to drag them for filth. What you put out into the world comes right back to you and I’ve truly seen it firsthand.

A little while ago, I saw this interview where Gabrielle Union, Phylicia “don’t forget to go when you leave” Rashad, Alfre Woodward, and Viola Davis sat down with Oprah and they talked about being black women in Hollywood. During this sit down, Gabrielle talked about how she used to revel in her identity as a mean girl in Hollywood. Until one day, someone asked her - “Now, how did your life change? Did you get the guy? Did you get the job? Is your house any bigger? Did money magically get put in your pocket? What positive happened in your life after you just tore that woman down?” – The answer was obviously no and nothing. But it shifted something in her and the minute I heard it, it shifted something in me too.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and preach and act like I’m all holier than thou because I can be petty, super petty - when you try me. I still engage in sipping some tea with my girls and the shade can be real. However, no one’s misfortune is my fortune and it never will be. Here’s another Gabrielle Union gem for you and I really hope you take it to heart – “I used to shrink in the presence of other dope beautiful women. I used to revel in gossip and rumors, and I lived for the negativity inflicted upon my sister actresses or anyone who I felt whose shine diminished my own.” Read that a couple times and think, if you find yourself wishing malice upon someone because of your own misfortune or going out of your way to speak badly about another woman because you don’t agree with her lifestyle, it’s time to take a look in the mirror and re-evalute. Once you can recognize that you’re the only person who can control or manage the situations in your life, whatever the next person is doing will no longer concern you. And you’ll find, that your light shines bright on its own, because of you and no one else.

I also think it’s important to acknowledge that we become the company that we keep. So make sure you have the right kind of friends around you. Friends who will uplift you but also tell you about yourself with intentions to make you a better you. I’ve had friends that legitimately made me feel stupid about everything that I said and did, and it affected my self-esteem more than I realized at the time. Once the friendship ended, I started to see myself in a different light and recognized how much I diminished my capability because of the people I had around me. I’d also realized that I didn’t really like the person I had become. I soon found myself blessed with new friends and sisters who literally til’ this day continue to gas me and make me feel good about myself while also reading me when they have to. They are constantly reminding me of my potential and all that I’ve accomplished and can accomplish and that support is genuine love. I wish that kind of support and love for everybody.

At the end of the day, I just think we need to love each other and ourselves better. Stop putting ourselves in situations that we are undeserving of and recognize the power that we possess. I think it’s ridiculous how quick we are to shout-out celebrities on social media, putting heart eyes under their pictures and styling ourselves to look just like they do as if who we are isn’t enough. And we support them, but when it comes to girls that we see every day in passing, we don’t keep that same energy. It’s all love – only when we’re drunk. Look at your actual real-life friends who probably need to hear these things more often, we don’t take the time to uplift them, instead we spend the time tearing down another girl. So how about this, if you know your girl is fly and maybe she’s insecure (because who isn’t?) or maybe you just haven’t told her in a while just how great she is, take the time to let her know just how popping she really is. And, maybe let her know just how much she means to you? I promise you, it’s the little things that go a long way because "friendship is essential to the soul" … or so I heard.

With All The Love In My Heart,

Bee <3