Over the last month or so, I've been seeing the discussion of "Be His Peace" all over social media. If I'm honest, the memes are hilarious and it's all fun and games, until I see some of these comments and the ideology behind it and fellas, your true colors are showing ...

In this life, I've been apart of and seen a woman becoming a man's peace while he slowly but surely destroys her and I'm coming to the realization that this seems to be a common theme amongst the grain of monogamous relationships. The older I get, the more I look back at all of these different relationships and I'm recognizing this belief that a women is supposed to endure a certain amount of pain within a relationship. There is this misconception that it's normal, and because it's what we've seen - whether it be within our own families or through social media and celebrities; or even with our own friends. We've allowed this to become our reality. It seems, that we've normalized being unfaithful and/or the mistreatment of a partner and the strain that it puts on relationships.

The notion of "Be His Peace" portrays a stigma that goes way back in-terms of how we identify gender and police ourselves according to it. You ever hear the phrase "A man's gonna be a man"? Let me be the first to say that I cant stand that phrase. The reason why is because it's justifies actions that have no justification and according to whoever made it up, the excuse/answer lies within the genetic makeup of a man. Hoooow sway?

We've created and taken part in this cycle that keeps repeating itself because we've tricked ourselves into believing that it's apart of the ebb and flow of relationships. If you take a second to think about it, you'll realize that maybe our dads and grandfathers and uncles didn't deserve their counterparts. As women, we're brought up to understand how to cater to men, but who's teaching boys how to become good men to cater to us? We grow up with the idea of  "Be a good woman so you can be a good wife, hold yourself to a certain standard so that a man will find you suitable for marriage, and etc." ... And along with that, it's like we're taught to look the other way when a man is doing his dirt even if it's killing us because it's just something that's unavoidable. I call bullshit.

Look at  how the whole world watched the Cardi B and Offset situation play out,  we watched the play by play as the contents of her private relationship with her husband was displayed for the world to see as entertainment. And if you're really paying attention, you can see the difference in reaction to her situation in the eyes of men versus women. Think about it like this, had the roles been reversed and she cheated on him, would you be supporting her efforts to get him back or would you be calling her a hoe? Honestly ... 

The reality is, most times in situations like these, it feels like our womanhood is being put to the test. It's like "don't be stupid" but also "fight for your relationship" and also make sure that you bring him peace while he brings you inner turmoil. And it goes back to the notion that it's normal to have to go through things like this in your relationship. Honestly speaking, is a relationship easy? No. But it seems that we're confusing the narrative of why. Part of me reallllllly hopes that Cardi doesn't take Offset back, but I also understand why she would and don't judge her for it. Beyoncé did it, and we stood behind her. Keep that same energy for Cardi. But I digress.

I find myself really genuinely bothered by this narrative because why does it feel like  we as women need to bear the weight of the whole relationship? Why is it that we're required to be our partners peace when they haven't committed to being ours? Truth be told, when we decide to get into bed with a man, it's to be their equal not to be their mother or home base. It's not our job to raise you up, raise yourself up to be the kind of man worthy enough of our love. And surely within that love, you'll find the peace that you're seeking.

Let's get rid of the idea that a woman needs to go through hell trying to grow a boy into a man. If you want me to be your peace, make sure that you're mine.