How About ... No?

You ever find yourself in a situation where you feel like you do more for others than they do for you? Always somehow going above and beyond but feel like it's never reciprocated when its your turn? If so, here's to learning the two letter word that'll change your life. Ready for it? ... It's called "no."

All my life, I've been constantly disappointed in people for not meeting the standards that I've set for them in my head. And the reason being is because, to me - it's simple. If you say that you're going to do something or be somewhere - then just do it. But, the older that I get, the more I'm learning how hard it is to be present for other people if and when you're barely present for yourself. What I'm saying doesn't apply to people who flake just because, I'm simply writing a little love letter for those of us who put other people before ourselves.

These days because of everyone's lack of care - the one thing I pride myself in, is being dependable. I am for all intents and purposes, a woman of my word. If I ever say that I will be somewhere or do something with or for you - 10 out of 10 ... I'll be there. Along the way though, I've found myself super frustrated at the realization that most times these actions aren't reciprocated. Or point blank period, I end up super exhausted because I'm bending over backwards for everyone but myself. I, unfortunately, am a people pleaser and so I hate when people are upset with me and I sometimes give too much of myself to others - but here's where the kicker comes in .... I'm learning that sometimes, it's still not enough. And that's where the reality sets in that you can't please everybody. It's impossible.

It's taken me quite a while to learn the boundaries that I have to set for myself and I'm still learning. I just have this bad habit of feeling the need to be everywhere for everyone, every time. And that's hard to do while still giving yourself enough room to be present and just still. Saying no is super hard for most people especially when it comes to those you love. And they know that, which is why they depend on you the way that they do. And you'll find yourself in situations where the one time you say no, people act like you've never said yes. And it's frustrating. But. Here's to putting ourselves first and understanding that they'll be upset, but they will surely get over it.

Once you can come to peace with the fact that people see what they want to see, because it's what helps them make sense of what they want to make sense of; then you understand that sometimes you take heat that you don't deserve. Unfortunately, they don't see when you're running yourself ragged or what your calendar looks like or even that you're trying to please a hundred other people at the same time. So that's when you have to step up to bat for yourself. And put yourself first. I'm still trying to get myself to understand this concept if I'm honest. But. It really be your own self .. so its necessary. The other day, I saw a quote and it hit a little bit because I've genuinely been trying to find this balance for quite some time now and have yet to succeed. The quote said - "Stop setting yourself on fire just to keep others warm." Now, if that hit you the way that it hit me, its time to give it up.

I understand the fear of coming off selfish and pissing off everybody else around you. But, it's time that we start recognizing whose really here for us and whose just around because we're always around. Learn to only look for people that look for you and learn to say no when your body is telling you to. We have a bad habit of ignoring our bodies when they speak to us and it's wild because nobody got you like you got you. In the year of 2019, we're only saying yes to things that we really want to do and no to what we simply can't. And, we're learning to implement a really big word into our vocabulary. Ready for it? It's called "reciprocity." 

Watch how the world around you starts to change and shift in your favor. And if anyone's mad ... let em stay mad.