This past Sunday after many months away ... I found myself back at church. And the message hit so hard that it reminded me that although my faith has sometimes wavered and I've strayed because of whatever reasons - the belief that I'm always gonna be good and heard and understood because of the powers that be is real.

During last week's sermon, I was reminded that I'm a work in progress and I've been a work in progress; but that's okay because I'm Getting Better. Little by little, I've been becoming the best version of myself to date. We're so hard on ourselves that we barely take the time to acknowledge how far we've come from what once was. This post was inspired because I feel like we all need to hear this every once in a while and it reminded me of my relationship with the church and all that its taught me about my faith. As human beings dealing with all that life throws at us, sometimes we just need something to believe in and often enough, it's hard to let that be God. I'm not here to preach or convert or anything - I'm just chattin as usual, so get comfortable.

I grew up in a family that is .. for lack of a better word - religious. With one too many pastors in my family, I've never been a stranger to going to church and/or enjoying it. I think that the construct of religion is what pushes most people away ... this idea that you have to be this certain version of yourself at all times and that everything else is a sin. Or unfortunately, the worst but most true example, that most people who go to church and push the idea of believing in God, are hypocrites - living one way Monday-Saturday just to show up to church on Sunday acting holier than thou. It's disheartening.

However, I was fortunate enough to have a mother who instilled in me this belief that I didn't need to go to church to have a relationship with God. It was nice when I did, but it didn't make or break his love for me. She explained, that I just needed to thank and acknowledge him for all of life's blessings and speak to him when I could. And although sometimes difficult, I've kept up with that .. and he's heard me at my most desperate moments truly giving me something to believe in. Now my relationship with church has been quite different, there were years when I only went once a year - on Easter ... and then there were years after that where I simply didn't go at all.

In those times, I began to believe that maybe church and the religion of Christianity wasn't for me, because the actions of those who praised it didn't sit well with me and I couldn't separate their wrong-doings from what they claimed to follow. My family nicknamed me a "heathen" for years, as a joke because of my religious absence and I sat in that name - a little too proudly - as a form of defiance. But at a certain point in my life, I started to realize that I missed going to church and the feeling that it gave me when I did. My grandfather was known for his powerhouse voice in the church, becoming the man who sang at all weddings, funerals, and etc. and I've always connected my love of Church to the music that was played there and going to church gave me a way to somehow make sense of the world around me through song and message.

So, I came to the realization that I had to find my own way and connection back to my faith. I made it well known among friends that I wanted to start going back to church, even going to church with a friend. It became my completed New Years resolution, which I held for quite some time until I started finding excuses and reasons why I couldn't go. And recently, I saw a tweet that said "Church hits different when you're going through something"  and if I'm honest, I think that's why a lot of us avoid it .. I know that's why I did.

It's not easy to sit and reflect and accept your pain sometimes, but I think that having something to believe in, having that little bit of faith in knowing that things will somehow get better, it makes dealing with it all ... a little easier. At the end of it all, it just goes back to taking it easy on yourself and allowing yourself the grace to evolve. I'm not always perfect, and I don't necessarily want to be. But the one thing that holds me down and keeps my newfound faith strong is the genuine belief that I'm Getting Better .... You tryna get better too?