So, I decided to google “Professional Hairstyles” thinking I knew what I was going to see and Google told me to have several seats. To my surprise and delight, I saw a couple of pictures of natural hair in the sea of blonde and brown tousled hair. So then the question begs, “Why am I still so nervous about getting box braids while working at a law firm?”

Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. Every time you get a new hairstyle and go to work/class and someone feels the need to make it a big deal, but not in the “nice hair” kind of way – more like in a petting zoo kind of way where you’re the object of fascination. And that’s cool, I guess … to be fascinating, but not when it makes you feel other. It’s the same kind of feeling that you get when people think it’s okay to touch your hair without your permission when you’re out with your girls, or worse - when they think they’ve got a chance because they asked you if they could touch it. The answer is no. A million times over. Just no. Bye.

So here’s my dilemma. My office is great, the environment is really all loving and there are no issues considering it’s a law firm; but there are only two black people in the office (including myself) which means not much room for immaculate understanding and too much room for potentially ignorant questions.

When I interviewed for the job, I wore my hair out in my fro, and for the most part on the daily (when it’s not in a bun or some other style that I’ve tried) – it’s out in a fro. Like I said, there have been no issues, my boss even took the time to mention how much she loved my hair when we first met and still compliments it to this day. However, while I appreciate that, I still find myself going back and forth about whether or not I should get these braids and what I feel like I’m presenting when I do. I can’t help but wonder about what they’re going to think and quite frankly, I just don’t want the idea that my office is all inclusive to disintegrate if my coworkers happen to say something ignorant. I like my little “all is well” bubble.

Most of you are probably reading this and thinking, “it’s just hair”, and that’s where I come in with some facts. According to “The Good Hair Study”, one in five black women feel social pressure to straighten their for hair work - twice as many as other women. In addition, some key findings concluded that Black women suffer more anxiety around hair issues and spend more on hair care than their peers. Sis, it’s just facts.

The truth of the matter is, most girls grew up being made fun of for wearing these exact styles that are now trendy. They were called "bald and ghetto" and made to feel as though they weren't physically attractive because their hair wasn't long and straight, which then prompted them to start perming their hair .... but we've already had this discussion, so I digress. What all of that has done though, is create this feeling of not wanting to stand out or draw attention to yourself because of your hair. To us, and our culture, we celebrate it and it's empowering. To others, it's a curiosity. And no one likes being a curiosity in that way.

In the essence of incredibly good timing, there’s a movie coming out at the end of September on Netflix starring Sanaa Lathan called “Nappily Ever After”. In it, she takes the whole idea of a “big chop” to another level and shaves her whole head with the idea that her life will somehow become easier without having to deal with managing her hair. The message that this movie conveys is one that many of us know and have experienced, depicting the stress and stigma that we deal with because of our God given hair. I'll just tell you right now, there will probably be a post on it. So, stay tuned.

With that being said, I’m definitely getting the braids, but I’m still going to feel super self-conscious about showing up to work with them … it’s a work in colonized-progress. Anyone that knows me, knows that I get bored with my hair super easily and I’ve found myself dabbling more and more with different styles that I was too scared to try in the past- braids being one of them. It took me 22 years to let go of my uncertainty to finally get them; and after I did, I I literally loved the way it looked and how I felt (hence why I'm getting them again). However, I still can't help but get nervous about how I’m going to be perceived, how it’s going to look, and all of the presumptions that will be made of me because of it. But it’s “just hair” … right? Wrong.