May 31

May 31 Waste My Time 2018

Question: Is it considered a waste of your time if you’re not moving at the rate in which you expect to be in a relationship? What if your partner has every intention of moving in the same direction as you, but their transport is simply a little slower than yours?

We’re living in a time where the question “what are we?” immediately makes you want to run in the opposite direction. The necessary conversations in order to establish a mutual understanding between two people are undoubtedly being avoided for fear of not being on the same page. In turn, we end up in situation-ships where we have deep feelings for one person but decide to give our attention to someone else. Often times, we know exactly what it is that we want however we fear that the other person might not want the same and so we try to play it safe. In the end, it seems we just kind of go in a circle of nothing until it ends up blowing up in our faces.

Here's a quick tip: It starts with honesty. What are you ready for in your life right now? Are you able to complete that with someone by your side or is this your season of solitude? More often than not, we allow our feelings of loneliness and lust to cloud our judgement of what we really want and need. I am no stranger to that. There have been seasons in my life where I’ve been completely fine, on the straight and narrow all by my lonesome yet missing the idea of someone and so I entertain anyone with no intentions of actually taking them serious. I’m wasting their time, as well as my own because I’m well aware that I have no intentions of going any further.

So let me repeat it again, it starts with honesty, boys and girls. Having goals for yourself and wanting to actually complete them before sharing your time with someone else is perfectly fine. Being alone is fine. Easier said than done, I know, trust me. It’s a work in progress. But the importance of being honest with others and ourselves even if it’s not what we want to hear is such a major key.

Why is honesty so important? Well, for one – it sets the foundation. Once you’ve put it out there, there can’t be any assumptions. You and whoever could both have the same intentions but just be in different seasons of your life and that’s okay, as long as the intention is clear. That’s where understanding comes in. How many times have we heard that relationships take time and effort and understanding? If you know that someone wants the same thing as you and they’re willing to do the work necessary in order to achieve it, they just have other things that they need to focus on at this moment – you need to be understanding as their potential partner. What that means is, you support them, as they’d support you. You don’t catch feelings when they don’t give you the attention that you want, and you give them the necessary space to achieve their goals because that’s what they’ve chosen to prioritize while still attempting to work on things with you.

Now, what that does NOT mean is – “Hey, you’re mine but we’re not exclusive and I’m not ready for a relationship right now but I still want you around.” THAT boys and girls is what we call “Wasting Your Time 101”. You’re not moving at any rate because nothing is established, there’s nothing but misunderstanding and you’re not being honest with yourself and your partner about what you can really provide in this moment. More often than not, we know what we’re able and willing to provide, it just takes a couple minutes of uncomfortable conversation to establish it.

Within that same breath, we’re young ... and I get that. Some of us are legitimately just not ready to settle down and that’s okay. Don’t let the pressure to be one of these social media couples force you into something that you’re not ready for. It’s better to stay in your lane and do what’s best for you as long as you make that clear from the start. If you’re setting boundaries and the other person involved chooses to see what they want to see, well then that’s their fault, as you set your pace from the beginning. And if your boundaries change along the way, than that’s okay too. The key is simply keeping that communication present. So what did we learn today boys and girls?

To stop wasting not only our time but other people’s time. Time is of the essence, and it is precious and we only have one life so it shouldn’t be spent trying to decipher what we are and aren’t to someone. You feel me?