Jun 21

Jun 21 You Thought

"See I like the person that you are, but I'm in love with the person that you have potential to be." You ever end up in a situation where you're looking at your partner and you can't recognize the person you thought you knew? You sit there confused, trying to piece together how you couldn't see the signs and how you ended up in this position. Well my dear reader, the reality of the matter is ... you fell for their potential rather than the actual person standing before you. You saw them for all that you knew that they could be as opposed to who they showed you time and time again that they were.

Although unfortunate, try not to be so hard on yourself. As individuals, there are so many different facets to our being and everybody experiences a different side of you depending on the unique relationship that you hold. For example, your partner might know and understand you in ways that your friends or family never could. Just like, your family and friends might know different things about you that you choose not to share with a significant other. It is especially during the talking/dating stage where you attempt to find out some of these things and through that exploration of each other, that's how you figure out whether or not you're a good fit. The dangerous thing about that is, people show you what they want to show you and it might not always be the real thing.

That exact reasoning is why I personally hate that stage. Within that phase of a possible relationship, there's a pressure to present yourself in a certain way because you want the person that you're pursuing to want to be with you. So, you leave out certain parts of yourself and play the game accordingly and that's precisely what it is ... a game. 9 times out of 10, you don't actually find out who a person really is until you're both absolutely comfortable enough to let all of your guards down. And by that point, you sometimes end up finding out traits within your partner that you were unaware of and then things start to get complicated.

This switch-up is the reason it's important to listen to your family and friends if they tell you that somebody might not be right for you. We sometimes become so blinded by our affection for someone that we fail to see things that the people around us see and when they try to make us aware, we become defensive because of our emotions. To fall for someone's potential is ultimately the nail in the coffin to a relationship because you'll always be thinking of "what could be". In time, you'll find that you're going to end up hurt and disappointed quite often because what you'd like your partner to do, they simply wont and that's because it's just not who they are.

Now you might ask, well if I didn't see potential in someone then why would I waste my time in even trying to build a relationship with them? Well ... the truth is, sometimes people don't reach their full potential. And while that sucks for those that see all that they can be, if someone doesn't see the good in themselves and want to reach that, it's their own loss. There is, quite honestly, nothing you can do about it but move on and continue to work on your own potential.

I think that's why it's so important to be happy with yourself before trying to include someone else in the equation. It allows for a clearer understanding of what you're looking for and what you bring to the table. If your solitude brings you peace, you won't allow just anyone to disrupt that; and if they don't contribute to what you already give yourself, you're less likely to waste time trying to mold them to who you want them to be and you'll see them as is. Either it'll work and something great will come out of it or you'll kick them to the curb and find somebody more suitable to your liking.

Now I'm saying all of this, but that doesn't mean I've successfully managed to do this. I speak from experience though, and that's the whole point of it all. In sharing my truth, I hope that I can somehow help you to avoid the mistakes that I've made. Now, I'm not naive in thinking that it'll work, because I've been forewarned to not make the same mistakes that I'm telling you not to make. However, it still doesn't hurt to try, right? My hope is that at least you can look back and be like "Damn, now I see what Bee was talking about." The only upside to these hard-knock life lessons is ultimately, you become a better you -- a smarter you. In the words of the almighty Jermaine Cole, " Fool me one time, shame on you. Fool me twice, can't put the blame on you. Fool me three times ..." You know how the song goes.

I kid. But seriously, it's great to be optimistic about someone and want to see them grow but if they continuously show you that they don't want the same, you have to take the minor L and keep it pushing because the L's will get bigger and harder to get over if you don't. Taking "This Could Be Us But You Playing" to a whole other level. You have to start learning how to differentiate the two and remember that your partner is supposed to add to your peace not take from it. At the end of the day, potential is what you could be, reality is what you are.