Damn, You Too?: Living LGBTQ

Although unplanned, it seems almost perfect that our last topic for Damn, You Too? focusing on the LGBTQ experience would fall on the first week of June. The month of PRIDE has always been one of my favorites, and if you've read my post "Somewhere Over The Rainbow", than you know why. I've never lived in fear or shame over who I love or find myself attracted to, and I can recognize that privilege. As someone who supports love, I support the fact that you should be allowed to love whoever it is that you love - within moral reason (no matter the race or gender). Love is love. The most simple law of all. And so, it is with all of the love in my heart, that we share the final installment of the Damn, You Too? series. 

“What are you confused?”

“You know that’s not normal right?”

“How can you even look at another woman like that?”

“How can you like both genders that’s just weird.”

No, I am not confused. And who are you to tell me what is normal and what’s not? Women are beautiful. Is it really that weird or are you just being close minded?

I was 13 when I started realizing my attraction towards other girls, and at first, I thought it was the weirdest thing ever, so I just ignored what I was feeling. Growing up as part of  the LGBTQ community, there was what felt like a lot of hate and a lot of walking on eggshells, especially when it came to certain friends. I lost many friends when I began to come out. “You’re just confused”, “We can’t be friends anymore because you like girls and I am a girl”, “I’ll change in the bathroom you can stay here". My mom would just tell me “Oh this is just a phase and you’re just experimenting”, but deep down inside I knew it wasn’t.

The feelings of attraction that I got were the same kinds of feelings I got when I looked at a picture of Channing Tatum on the cover of a GQ magazine. I was really attracted to some girls and a part of that bothered me because I felt like I wasn’t “normal”. Society tends to put such a bad name on people who are attracted to the same sex, and I will forever hate that. I had to sit my parents down and explain to them that I like both boys and girls and they both looked at me like I was crazy at first - their faces were both full of confusion.

At the time I was with my ex-girlfriend and we ended up being together for two very long years, so in that moment my parents’ approval and acceptance meant everything to me. For years I asked myself, why the norm for love was just a male and a female being together? Love is love and it shouldn't have any labels. Luckily, my parents weren't disgusted, but more or so accepting and I felt more connected with them after I told them. I didn’t have to hide who I was when I was with them and it made me love myself even more to know that I had my parents’ support. They told me they would love me no matter what and will stand by whatever made me happy.

I wish my ex’s parents were that accepting too. Her mom mostly hated the fact that we were together, and it took a huge toll on our relationship. Unwanted arguments and long time-periods us of not talking to each other was a constant reoccurrence which lead to us just growing apart from each other. We hold no grudges, but love shouldn’t have a norm. We live in the United States of America, “The Land of the Free”. We all want to be happy, so why don’t we have the FREEDOM in some places to love and be happy with who we want?

~ Anonymous

So, this is a story I wanted to share because it’s something I’ll feel guilty about maybe forever. I grew up really close with all of my cousins, basically like siblings. One of my cousins, my older cousin who is now openly gay was of course just probably figuring it out at the time. So young, timid and unsure of those internal feelings.

He was/is one of my best friends but as a kid, sometimes you don’t know any better and quite frankly sometimes children are just mean. That was me, a mean little girl who sometimes picked on her cousin and made him cry, calling him names and making fun of his sexuality which at the time, being just a kid, the only boy from his parents and being Hispanic, gay is the last thing you want to be known as.

I know that those taunts are something that stays with people forever, and I feel horrible that I wasn’t more kind and compassionate at the time. We’re all human, love is love and even now as an adult I really can’t place a label on my own sexuality. I’ll never forget the damage I caused as a kid but I will make it a point to teach my children and generations to come about tolerance, acceptance and equality.

~Anonymous 

Out or not, Happy Pride Month to my LGBTQ Community!

Pride month is for all of us, the ones that are out, the ones who are questioning, who are struggling to accept their preferences, etc. If you’re in the closet or cannot attend the parades, PLEASE do not let it discourage you to celebrate. This month treat yourself, love yourself a little extra, and just know it will get better.

I remember when I was 18, I lied to my parents to attend my first pride with my friends. I told my mom I was going to a concert in the city but little did she know I was in the biggest Pride parade in the state. Despite being paranoid about getting caught, it was the best day of my life. Pride was filled with positive vibes and such an amazing energy and I'm so grateful that I got to experience it.

Growing up, it wasn't easy to accept that I was attracted to females. I was raised in a Catholic household that believed that homosexuality was a sin. I was afraid to come out and then deal with the whole family finding out. I kept it a secret for years until one day my sister and brother in law put it on the spot. We were all eating dinner and out of no where they both said “She has to tell you something” ... I thought I was going to choke on the spoon of rice and chicken that I has just fed myself. I broke down and I cried hysterically. The words wouldn’t come out, and all I kept thinking was “just say it, just say it already” but all I felt was a lump in my back throat.

I have no idea where I got the courage to say it but I remember it so vividly. I somehow found the words to say, “I’m sorry, I’m attracted to girls and I've been dating my best friend”. The first thing my mom said was “Where did I go wrong?” and cried. Those words hurt and I thought I was going to get kicked out that night by the reaction of my parents. We all just sat there, crying at the dinner table and mentally I started planning on where I was sleeping that night.

Even though I felt so betrayed by my sister and brother in law, they defended me that night and told my parents I was still the same person they raised me to be. It was a long night and my relationship with my mom changed after I came out. We barely spoke and I felt so unwanted in my house and from my own mother. She told me she didn’t want my girlfriend in the house and to give her time. It was rough... I felt like a burden at home and I really missed my mother. I missed listening to her advice when I needed to hear it and her affection. At this point, I just wanted to move in with my sister.

Months passed and it was around Christmas, as I was leaving to see my girlfriend on Christmas Day, my mom surprised me with the words “You should invite your girlfriend over for dinner”. I think at the time, all I could manage was to cry and hug her. I never thought those words would come out of her mouth. My mom asked me to give her time and to remember that she loves me for me. A couple of years have gone by and I'm genuinely so grateful to have an understanding and loving mother. She became super supportive of my last relationship and was really close with my girlfriend at the time, even going as far as claiming her as "another daughter". She always asks me to take her to Pride now because she wants to celebrate the month of love and I never thought we'd get to that point.

So for those who are still in the closet, just remember it will get better and you are never alone. So that being said, Happy Pride Month my beautiful people!! Please be safe, be free, be you, love yourself and be proud!

~Anonymous

At the end of the day, the greatest thing you will ever know is to love and be loved. DreamofBee proudly stands as an LGBTQ ally and wishes nothing but love and light to everyone celebrating PRIDE. Live with pride, love with pride, and don't let anyone ever convince you that you're undeserving of it all. There's so much power in LOVE. I encourage you all to try it.