You Good?

More and more within the last couple of years, people are engaging in the conversation about mental health. It’s no longer being swept under the rug and no longer is it considered taboo. As a society, we’re beginning to educate ourselves on the realities of what it is to live with and have a mental illness, understanding that it doesn’t equate to crazy or mean that we can’t live a semi-ordinary life. Now more than ever, those we’ve grown up idolizing have openly admitted to having mental illness and are actively seeking help. So why do we still think that there’s an issue with us having issues? Well, for starters – it’s been ingrained in us.

Let’s talk about mental health within the black community. My generation, despite being told by our parents that we’re weak-minded because of things outside of our control are recognizing the lasting effect of neglecting our internal stability. We can acknowledge that something isn’t right and it isn’t our faults and that without properly addressing it, we’ll simply suffer in silence until it slowly but surely takes control of our lives. We’ve become de-sensitized to watching our favorite celebrities having these mental breakdowns and instead of sympathizing, we choose to ridicule and use their struggle as entertainment. When do we accept and rationalize that Mental Illness isn’t a joke but instead a very serious thing?

If the song “Friends” in J. Cole’s KOD is any indication of the state of mental health within the black community, it speaks volumes. “Cop another bag and smoke today”. Most of us grew up experiencing some type of trauma, whether on a minor or larger scale; and some of us were just born with chemical imbalances that now define the ways in which we view the world and ourselves. Instead of working through these issues which remain unresolved, we find ourselves self-medicating. It’s easier to self-medicate in whichever way we see fit instead of actively seeking help or talking about our feelings by going to therapy. We’ve been conditioned to think that we aren’t allowed to dwell in our feelings because “Black people don’t do therapy”. All the while, slowly deteriorating inside because we don’t understand how to properly express our emotions. The question is why when the solution is so simple?

In a study conducted by Mental Health America with numbers from The US Census, 13.2% of the U.S. population identifies as Black/African-American; and of that, 16% admitted to having mental illness within the last year. That 16% translates to over 16.8 million African-Americans dealing with mental illness. Is it real now? It was also discovered that Black adults are more likely to have feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness compared to White and/or adults of other races. What is understood doesn’t need to be discussed, we know the struggles of growing up Black and the standards in which we are held to.

The issue with that narrative is that we grow up internalizing all of our problems whether big or small with the misunderstanding that our feelings don’t really matter and never will. Which means that when it’s time to openly communicate our feelings, we struggle. It is no wonder that the idea of therapy terrifies the majority of us. Speaking openly about the way you feel and how to handle it, as well as taking responsibility for your actions with a stranger paid to listen to you while letting go of the idea that they’re judging you; it seems almost unreal. In his latest album 4:44, Jay-Z discusses the reality of needing therapy multiple times throughout the whole album. “Our external reality is an opportunity to heal our internal upset.” The rapper uses his platform to challenge our emotional intelligence by attempting to show us how much we lack in it.

The ways in which we’re choosing to live our lives is a product of the ways in which we see ourselves and what we think we deserve. Referring back to Cole’s KOD album, “There’s all sorts of trauma from drama that children see, type of shit that normally would call for therapy” How easy would it be to seek-out help and have a healthy conversation about the things that affect us? But we don’t. Because we’ve been told our whole lives that it’s unnecessary. Our parents and their parents have gone all their lives internalizing the ways in which they feel and so to them, any other alternative is just seeking attention.

It has been found that stigma and judgement prevent Black/African-Americans from seeking treatment for their mental illnesses. Research indicates that Black/African-Americans believe that mild depression or anxiety would be considered “crazy” in their social circles. Many believe that discussions about mental illness would not be appropriate even among family. Attempting to talk about mental illness with someone who doesn’t understand and isn’t open to doing so is like talking to a wall. It’s quite frustrating. Especially so when the person is a family member. Where you seek understanding, you instead get met with judgement or criticism which alone will drive anyone to never openly share again to avoid that ridicule.

Why is all of this important? Well, as we’ve learned in the last couple of years – mental illness has been linked to suicide. We’ve lost way too many beautiful souls to the darkness because life became too hard and there was no release. Research states that while White teenagers are more likely to die from suicide, Black teenagers are more likely to attempt suicide ranging at about 8.3% versus 6.2%. The fact of the matter is, we’d rather die than speak up about what we’re struggling with and there needs to be a conversation about why.

Mental illness is a very real thing, even if you’ve never encountered it or understood it. Not having a clear understanding of it can alter your perception of anything – including your own life. I’m not ashamed to say that I struggle with anxiety and depression and I’ve come quite close to reaching that scary kind of darkness. It took a while for me to understand what was going on and why and once I did, it made it easier to understand what was happening. That doesn’t mean it made it easier to handle, everyone struggles with their battles differently. The one thing I can offer is this … it gets better, maybe not today or tomorrow, or even the next day. But it does get better, somewhat easier. Life is so worth living and therapy is one of the best things ever created, especially when you find the right match for you. Learning about all of the different facets of you can be scary but at the same time, it’s really dope to finally understand yourself. Those that say otherwise simply don’t know themselves and don’t care enough to .... that’s their loss.