Nice For What?
Picture this: Instead of having to beg for someone's forgiveness with grand gestures and such, why don’t we simply not put ourselves in the position to lose them? We have this “grass is greener” complex that more often than not puts us in danger of losing someone that means a lot to us. Spoiler alert: the grass is greener where you water it. Has anyone wondered why it took Jay-Z until he was in his late 40’s to finally understand and appreciate what he had? The man is married to BEYONCE . It really doesn’t get any better than that, yet he went searching elsewhere only to realize that he had the best he was ever going to get, much less deserved. It has come to my attention that most people my age and slightly older – myself included, have serious issues when it comes to expressing our emotions and acting accordingly. We tend to put on this facade that requires us to pretend that we don’t care about people and things that mean the most to us. Why?
Some might say it was passed down to us through what we witnessed growing up, others believe that we create our own situations and have the capability to do better than what we’ve seen but simply choose not to therefore creating the same cycle of emotional instability. For what reason do we put ourselves through such unnecessary pain and conflict? If the lyrics to Lauryn Hill’s “Ex-Factor” ring true, then we already know that it could all be so simple, but we make it so hard. Now don't get me wrong, in no way is it easy to be with someone, but at the same time – it really shouldn’t be this complicated. Unfortunately, many of us come from broken homes and as a result of that – we lack that understanding. We’ve seen the turmoil and miscommunication of relationships, forgetting the really great aspects of it.
Instead of trying which is all that is required of us, we prefer to “go with the flow” and “not take things serious”. Will we acknowledge that it was serious when our feelings are actually really hurt or will we continue to pretend that we don’t care when in reality we’re dying inside? When do we take other people’s feelings into consideration and stop playing with hearts as though they’re disposable? Moving on to the next person that slightly intrigues us when we know that we’re nowhere near ready to actually give them what they deserve because someone else still holds our attention.
We have a bad habit of using this sort of defense mechanism because we fear being “too happy”. It is to my personal understanding that once you reach “peak happiness”, the only other place you can go is down which is scary. Who wants to willingly go down like that? Not I. So, what do we do … we fight like hell to sabotage that peak happiness because we’re used to the mundane feeling of “whatever”. Not only that but there is a power struggle in recognizing that you have really deep feelings for someone and understanding that there’s a possibility that they may not feel the exact same way. It goes hand in hand with our pride and what we’re willing to admit about ourselves. The less feeling we admit, the less room for hurt and disappointment.
Until recently, the idea of being vulnerable became something of strength instead of weakness. In the eyes of most, to be vulnerable and to allow someone to have that much power over you or to even cry is considered a sign of weakness. However, I believe that it takes a lot of strength to be able to admit those things or allow yourself to feel that way about someone because it isn’t easy to give up that kind of control. It also only takes one time for you to relinquish all control and have it backfire before you never do it again. I wish I could say that I’ve reached that level of strength but it remains a work in progress, and pretending I don’t care or conditioning myself not to care is much more aligned with the way my pride is set up. An avoidance of pain in other words.
Most of us were conditioned to think this way as children. Passed down through our parents and model figures, we’ve seen them put through hell in the name of love and because of that, we want no parts. Not that it was intentionally done, they were simply trying to navigate it the only way they knew how with hopes of teaching us better, but nonetheless; we picked up their habits. So now we find ourselves here, young adults just trying to somehow get it together in a time that makes it ridiculously hard to do so. With songs like Drake’s “Nice for What?” – We’re taught to reciprocate what we’re being given. Begging the question, “you got to be nice for what?” Well, think about this - maybe because we all have feelings. Feelings that we clearly don’t acknowledge and instead neglect until they literally ruin things for us.
Although it is much, much easier to pretend that we don’t care, it is without a doubt much, much healthier to admit that we really do. Let’s not wait until we’re 40 to start acknowledging and understanding our feelings whether good or bad. We hold ourselves back from a multitude of things that life has to offer. Promoting this trend that we have no feelings or are much better off without when in reality – love really does make the world go round. In all forms. Yes, romantic relationships play a part, but relationships are so much broader than a romantic one. Talk to your family, talk to your friends, talk to those that you love in every sense of the word and build an open line of communication. By taking the time to do so, you open the space to get a partner, confidant and personal cheerleader. Who doesn’t want that?
