"Just A Friend"

“Just cause it's different and we're not the same, doesn't mean things have to change.” There are so many thoughts that I have about this, and in my opinion the answer isn’t as black and white as you’d like it to be ... truth is, it’s complicated. At this point, you’re probably trying to figure out what I’m getting at … so let’s get to it, today’s question of the day: Is it possible to be friends with your ex?

The terms in which we all consider a relationship are different, but at the end of the day, can you as an individual truly put your feelings aside and have a platonic relationship with someone who you used to be romantically involved with? There are people who will say that they’d rather have someone in their lives in any capacity than not at all, and then there are those who’d rather just keep it pushing. Some might say that it all depends on how things ended and whether or not the friendship even survived the relationship in the end. Like I said, it’s complicated … and super messy if we’re keeping it real. Which we are.

Think about this, would you be okay with your partner still having a close relationship with their ex? Does it somehow threaten what you guys are trying to build? See how the thought process switches up when the roles are reversed? It does nothing for our ego and that's one of the main problems. While I agree that all relationships are different depending on the person that you’re dealing with, I think it's important to note that keeping your ex around is just another way to hold on to the past without admitting that you're holding on to the past. How can you move forward if there’s a constant reminder of what was or used to be?

Not only that, but we’re all human which means that there are feelings involved, lots and lots of feelings. There is no way that you can successfully move on if your ex is still in the picture because one of you is bound to end up with hurt feelings and then it defeats the whole purpose of this “post-breakup” friendship. The reality is that you and your ex are no longer together for a reason, it was a decision made by both parties or at least understood by both parties therefore, giving you both the green light to move on. But again, if only it were that simple …

In your mind, you want to believe that you’re capable of doing what you want to do but the way your heart is set up, it’s just really not possible. I’ve personally been on both ends of the “friends with your ex” spectrum and I can say wholeheartedly that it has everything to do with how you actually feel about the person that you were dealing with. Without disclosing too much of my business, I had a relationship end where I was the one who said “We could still be friends though.” – I was young but never dumb and the reality was, my heart didn’t really care. I could’ve been his friend, I could’ve never talked to him again, it genuinely didn’t really make a difference in my life, and I was just trying to end things on a cordial note.

Now, let’s fast-forward to another relationship where we started out as friends so our foundation was always solid but at the end of the day, as many times as we’ve tried … we just can’t be “friends” after the fact. It seemed like we were both moving on with one foot facing forward and the other facing backward going nowhere at all, convinced that we could do both. The end result, confusion and some more hurt feelings which actually ends up affecting the friendship. Tell me, when have you ever heard of two people who truly loved each other just giving it up and deciding to stay friends with no issue? If you find them, let me know, I’d like to speak to them.

I know it sounds like I’m just ragging on the whole idea but that’s really not the case. Realistically, I simply recognize that the answer just isn’t a straight one. I’m sure that after a couple of failed relationships with other people and some time, it’s possible. But to break up and immediately still decide to remain in each other’s lives, you’re just asking for trouble and hurt. Wale said it best, “breaking up is hard, to move along is even harder.” You have to decide for yourself whether you're going to allow yourself to move on or if you're going to stay stagnant. I’ve learned over the years that change is hard but necessary and when you take a moment to look back and see how far you’ve come, it’s worth it. Remaining in a situation that doesn’t reflect what’s best for you will only get you so far. I know it’s hard to be that comfortable with someone, only to become strangers at the end of it all. And if we could have our cake with a side of two other cakes and a comfortable place to eat it, we would without a doubt. But we can't. It sucks but c’est la vie, my friends. At the end of the day, you just have to do what suits you best. So is it possible to really be friends with our exes? I don't know, you tell me ....

*A Note From Bee*

When I finally decided to start DreamofBee, my intention was to write pieces that I knew others could relate to and maybe possibly even needed to read. However, I constantly find myself struggling within these pieces when deciding how much of myself to share with you all. Overall, I’m a private person, I don’t like people in my business ... however, it’s my job as a writer to use my experiences to convey whatever I’m trying to get across. Instead of looking at it like I’m spilling my own tea, I’m trying to look at it as if I’m sharing my experiences and life lessons with others who could understand. When you as a reader reach out to me with words of encouragement and let me know that my words helped you in any way, it means the world. So, Thank You.

- Bee