Keep Me In Check ..

This past week, I wrote a piece on Forgiveness and although my intention is to always be transparent, I was forced to recognize through my own writing that unfortunately I wasn’t living up to my own words. Talk about life imitating art, huh? In case you thought our little lesson was over, this week, we’re coming back with a Part 2 to teach you a new word. It's called -- Accountability.

First things first, it’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong. Most times when things go left in a situation, we want to believe that we did the right thing and that our actions are validated because it was done with the intention of “doing the right thing" or point blank period, we just did whatever we wanted to do. And that's fine. But, think about this, do you like to play the victim or can you acknowledge the kind of role that you play in the grand scheme of things? It’s time to look in the mirror people, ain’t it fun?

Two weeks ago, HBO aired a new episode of The Shop - a show that's co-produced by Lebron James; which is constructed to imitate the type of vibe and un-scripted conversations that would normally occur in an barbershop. During this new episode, Drake broke his silence on the infamous Pusha T beef. During this sit-down, Drake admitted that he'd texted Lebron during the back and forth; and while that might not be too big of a deal, the context of their conversation definitely is.

While we were waiting on him to reply to Pusha's diss, Drake remained quiet; something along the lines of "A wise man once said nothing at all" ... See what I did there? ... Anyways, instead of giving the public what they expected and wanted of him, he did what he wanted. And then, he texted Lebron and asked him "Am I letting you down?" Now, while most people were solely intrigued by the details of the beef, I noticed on social media that other people – men, mostly – where ridiculing the fact that Drake asked Lebron if he was letting him down.

In that moment, I couldn't help but notice how many people don't have loved ones that they can run to who hold them accountable and the lightbulb went off in my head. The realization that men specifically, don’t necessarily have the type of conversations with their friends that require them to hold each other accountable, it was like “wow, this makes so much sense”.  What really brought this idea to the forefront was this tweet where a user tweeted “Drake texted Lebron and said  “am I letting you down” LMFAOOOO couldn’t be my favorite rapper” – to which another user replied “I’m really learning our black kings don’t know about mentors or friends that hold them accountable.” … Phew chile, the TEA.

I’ve noticed that the idea of holding others accountable is quite foreign because we have this notion of “that’s not my business”. And while I understand that to a certain extent, I also feel that as a friend or loved one, if I can’t count on you to tell me when I’m wrong or tell me when I’m heading in the wrong direction … well then, who can I count on? Speaking as a woman, I think that women kind of have this bond of sisterhood between them, and so, more often than not, you’ll always have your girl in your ear about something. Even if 9 times out of 10, you don’t want to hear it, the reality is that sometimes you need to. But from what I’ve gathered, I can’t say the same about men … why?

Seeing that tweet and coming to that realization left this curiosity in me that literally sparked a fire, because I wanted answers and an in-depth discussion about it. So, I reached out and asked a friend because there was only so much that I could analyze in my head. I asked his thoughts on Drake asking that question of Lebron as well as his thoughts on men not really holding each other accountable, and he replied with – “If more men did that, we’d probably keep each other in check.” Bingo.

From my perspective as a woman who’s grown up with a lot of guy friends, I’ve noticed that instead of asking directly for advice, guys will frame the question as “What do you think about this?” – which again from my perspective is a completely different outlook and conversation. Framing the question as “what do you think about this?’ gives the notion that you already know what you’re going to do and you’re simply running the plan by someone. But when you ask “am I letting you down?’ – That’s a deeper conversation, that’s a hard look in the mirror, and as my friend explained to me, “our ego probably wouldn’t allow that.”

As I’ve said before, it’s not easy admitting that you’re wrong and ego most definitely plays a part in that, but here’s where you have to take a step back and recognize that although you did things with the best of intentions, it’s not always going to be translated that way. I’ve found myself over the years getting into some serious fall outs with people that I truly care about, and at a certain point, it really kind of felt like everybody was out to get me and it was frustrating. However, instead of playing the victim, I started asking for help from two people who undoubtedly hold me down – let’s call em my “wise older sisters”. I would screenshot conversations, so nothing was left to the imagination and I would tell them my side of things and then ask them flat out – "Am I wrong?" To this day, they always give it to me straight whether it’s in my favor or not. And not only that, but they also tell me what part I played in letting things get to that point. They hold me accountable.

Now, while I’m grateful for the relationship that we have and their honesty, I also recognize that not everybody has that. And so, that’s where it’s on your friends/loved ones or even yourself to hold you to your truth. Holding someone accountable doesn’t mean you’re making their decisions for them. It simply means that, whatever decisions they make, you’re there to help them take responsibility for it. If you can’t look around you and name one person in your inner circle who can call you out when necessary, then the truth is – you need a new circle. At the end of the day, even if you can't ask anyone else, it’s all about being honest with yourself; so find the courage to ask yourself – “Am I letting you down?"

Stay Tuned for some very exciting news regarding the last two posts on DreamofBee! Not that you asked, but let's talk about it ...