Kiki, Do You Love Me?

Kiki, do you love me? Are you riding? .... Now, I know ya'll are absolutely tired of hearing that. But I'm going somewhere with this. We all love Drake ... kind of. But has anyone wondered about the women he sings about? These songs, they all hit a spot and put us in the crevices of our feelings but really, did anybody stop to think about Kiki? Like, should she be riding? Is he actually worth her love? Let us discuss.

Think about how easy it is to forget about what you deserve because you're so consumed in wanting to be there for someone. Within that same breath, think about quick we are to let the ways in which others depict us become the ways in which we depict ourselves. 9 times out of 10, if you have enough people telling you who they think you are, you begin to believe them - abandoning all understanding of who you know you are. As humans, we have this bad habit of wanting to please others even if that means we’re unhappy ourselves. It’s all about other people and their thoughts and how they view us.

However, the reality is that sometimes the people you’re aiming to please only want to have control over you. They like knowing that they control some part of you and the minute you begin to stray or decide to do things that are more beneficial to you, they begin to question your loyalty and who you are because they no longer hold you in their pocket. It’s a sad truth but a truth nonetheless. It's toxicity at its finest. To recognize a toxic friend or partner is to recognize the power that you possess. Some people value the ways in which you look up to them and the minute you stop doing so, it deflates their ego. They thrive off of your insecurities and make it so you never view yourself in a greater light then wherever it is that keeps you up under them.

Attempting to recognize toxic traits within someone you love is understanding that a toxic person tends to be someone who has a great amount of internal turmoil. They’ll never willingly admit that though because as you can imagine, it’s a tough pill to swallow. That inner turmoil can sometimes manifest into a sort of jealousy which instead of causing them to be happy for others and their successes, it makes them bitter and petty. That jealousy comes out in forms of judgement, criticism, or gossip which translates to the reality that they themselves are struggling with what you’re accomplishing. When people like that are disguised as a friend or partner, it’s hard to see the malice in their actions. They might not even recognize it. To them, they’re coming from a loving place but the truth of the matter is – a friend or partner wouldn’t continuously put you down and want you to stay there. There have been moments in my life where I’ve found myself truly questioning who I was because of the thoughts of others. Deep down, I knew that I wasn’t the person that they had painted me out to be or even who they made me feel like I was. In the end, I had to check myself and remind myself of who I really was and with that, came the realization that someone who truly loves you only wants to see you prosper and their actions will show that.

The key to it all is remembering who you are and what you bring to the table; you’ll lose some friends along the way, but that’s okay. The only friends/partner that you want around you are supportive ones, the kind of friends/partner who encourage you and want to see you be great. Not the kind that hold you back or judge you for every transgression. A friend or even partner should also not be controlling over you and if you begin to notice controlling behavior – that’s a sure warning of what’s to come. As individuals, we belong to no one but ourselves. I know it’s easy to get caught up and feel as though you need someone to keep going because you feel as though they add something to your life that wasn’t there before. However, if they take more from you then they add, the relationship might be dependent on the fact that they need you to need them and not the other way around as you’ve been forced to believe.

If your friend or partner or even family member makes you feel as though everything you say is dumb, your feelings are never valid compared to theirs, and everything is your fault or even that you’re not enough, then they don’t have your best interests at heart. And the reality is, the relationship between the two of you may be toxic. In any relationship – platonic, familial, and romantic – first and foremost there should be support and love. You should be unapologetically you, flaws and all. If you can’t be so without fear of judgement or criticism then is the relationship really necessary? This includes family. At the end of the day, all we as humans need is to be loved and to love and if the very people who are supposed to do so unconditionally cannot, then it’s important to let them go. You can still have love for someone yet choose to keep your distance from them. It’s called loving from afar.

I stress recognizing these traits because unfortunately, they can end up manifesting within you and you’ll slowly but surely become the very person you never thought you would. You begin to look at things negatively and judge people for simply being and in environments where you should just let go and have a good time, you’re too busy worrying about what the next person is doing so you can talk about it. Time and time again, we’ve heard the phrase “misery loves company”, so which one are you choosing to be? The misery or the company that it needs? And above all, are you a "Kiki"? And should you really be riding? Think about it..