When We See Us.

Let me start this off by just saying this.

I, like many others put off watching this short-series because I felt like I needed to be in the right mental space to ingest what I surely knew would emotionally wreck me. From jump, I knew that I didn't want to watch it alone because I felt like I would need the emotional support of a partner to get through the series. However, as per usual, life forces you into doing the very things you fear and so, in the end ..I watched it alone. And I actually think it was better off that way. The ways in which I connected to this series, was not in the way that I predicted but I must admit that it was surely a necessary viewing.

At first, I assumed that I would be angry because of the outright injustice. It felt almost obvious that it would upset me because I'm Black. And I had a feeling that it would make me emotional because worst of all, it wasn't just a scripted series, it was a true story. "When They See Us"  is the story of the Exonerated 5 (formerly known as The Central Park 5), produced and directed by the absolute legend Ava DuVernay on Netflix. It is the recount of their individual stories, their individual journeys and that of their families after the April 19th incident where they were accused of raping and attacking a female jogger in Central Park. All 5 boys were charged with the act and sentenced to jail time.

Now, if we're being honest here, which we are ... it is no secret that there has been and will always be injustice in this world; especially when concerning black and brown people. But there was something about this particular story that really just made me so uneasy. I think it's the fact that the Exonerated 5 were boys when they got accused, and no one looked at them as such. They were undoubtedly the most hated in America for a crime that they didn't even have the mental capacity to commit. And we know, that had these boys been of a different skin color, the outcome and public outcry would've surely been different (the name Brock Turner sound familiar?). 

When I finally sat down to watch this series, it almost seemed like the minute I started crying, I couldn't get myself to stop. And the reasons are: For one, it just point blank period - broke my heart. There was a sadness in my heart for these boys and their families and the trauma that they were all subjected to and would quite frankly probably never get over. And secondly, because I saw the oldest of my brothers in Korey Wise. For the first time as it seems, really and truly .. and it was hard to look at.

Folks, it's about to get really personal.

As you may or may not know, I am the second to youngest of 6 children in my family. And up until two years ago, I had grown up being the youngest of 5. Another thing that you may or may not know, is that two of my brothers throughout the years have been in and out of jail for reasons that are their own to tell. One of them is the oldest of us and the other is the youngest male. My siblings and I grew up all super close and in my eyes, there was never an idea of "half-siblings", we were all just one. Growing up as the youngest, I adored my brothers and they adored me, but trauma has a way of changing people and to the oldest of the pack, it did more than any of us knew how to deal with.

As life would have it, the brother that I once knew and loved, slowly but surely became a man that I could not love out of fear and eventually began to hate. It was obvious that he was no longer present and that something wasn't mentally right but how do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped or doesn't see any wrong in their actions? No one but me and my mom really know what we've experienced over the last ten years, specifically the genuine fear and frustration. Embedded in the story of When They See Us, there was this very deep theme dedicated to demonstrating how the families of those incarcerated, feel the brunt of their sentence too. Watching Ramon's grandmother being patted down and his father making a comment about how rough they were being to her during a visit, I couldn't help but see my mother and that's when the tears started flowing.

At this point, I had acknowledged the connection that I'd made and I thought it was interesting, but quite frankly I had just scratched the surface. Cut to Korey Wise story and Jharrel Jerome's portrayal of him which leaves you speechless. Now, I'm not sure if it was Jharrel's Dominican features or the way in which we captured Korey's voice and mannerisms, but seeing his hurt and the things he was subjected to, it forced me to look and really look at who my brother had become after all of those years in jail. Over the course of the last ten years and all that had come with it, I'd lost sight of the chunks of my brothers humanity that he'd lost. I never sat and tried to understand why he had become the man that he'd become. My brother had his first encounter with the law when he was in his late teens, and he'll be 40 in about two years - all of the years in between, he's spent in and out of jail. During these stints, I can recall hearing multiple times that he was put in isolation. Watching Korey Wise getting beat on time after time and sitting in the dark in isolation, you can see what it did to him .... and I could finally see what it did to the brother that I'd come to fear. It was almost unbearable to watch, it just hit a little too close to home for me.

I sat there, tears streaming down my face and watched as Korey missed his family and those he held close, how that disconnection broke him. At the end of the day, he just wanted his mothers love, it's what we all want. And it made me regret the times in which I'd told my mother to just let her only son go. I'd mourned the brother I'd never have and I had no care for the man in-front of me, but it took the story of the Exonerated 5 and their family, to see just how impossible my request to her really was. And in the end, all I could do was cry.

I cried for the pain and trauma that these men were wrongfully subjected to as young boys. I cried for their individual stories. I cried for what it did to their families and how they'll never get that time back. I cried for the system that was set up to keep us from progression. I cried because this was just one of many stories of injustice. I cried for my mother who came to this country hoping to give her son a better life and in the end, had no choice but to send him back to their motherland to protect herself. I cried for my brother who never got a chance to see what kind of greatness he could become and I mourned the loss of a relationship that we would surely never have. And I cried, for Korey Wise and all of the things that he never deserved.

When They See Us forced me to see what was necessary. It in itself was necessary. I can't say that it will fix my relationship with my brother but it did force me to see him very clearly, for the first time. And that changes everything. Korey Wise and his beautiful spirit show me, that had my brother not let the darkness take over, he could've still had a life of happiness after his storm. I admire all of the Exonerated 5, but in Korey, I see my brother and it's kind of hard to look away. For him, I wish nothing but happiness and over time, inner peace. For the rest of the Exonerated 5, I wish the same. It's the one thing they truly deserve.

It doesn't matter what they see When They See Us, because When We See Us, we know what it is. All love. And love will trump hate, without a doubt, every time. It's hard not to let it all get in your head and heart, but never forget to keep your head up and stand ten toes down, cus we got work to do.

The Marathon Continues.